Some of you readers may recall the controversy that swirled around the first annual AtmosFX Egg Jarping Battle. We would like to tell you this year our Easter-time tradition would have become more genteel, more refined in the intervening months. Sadly, we must report the efforts of our Community Manager to maintain civility were shaken, like a sand castle before a typhoon, by the fierce competitive spirit of the combatants.
Since the 14th century, egg jarping (sometimes call egg tapping or egg fighting) has plagued the holiday with the thunderous percussion of savage cracking. Yet, we at AtmosFX can't seem to give it up. The cries of the crowds, the crunch of the eggs — these form an intoxicating blend. Does the bright paint form a protective layer? Do the cheerful stickers create a girdle of strength? None can say for sure. Truth is only found in the melee.
Before this year's battle even began, several eggs were disqualified for using reinforcing tape or having stickers on their battle ends. "There will be no cheating this year!" shouted office officiant, Gourdy the Pumpkin. "No performance enhancing decorations will be tolerated!"
Fourteen competitors, including this humble writer, met in the gloomy back garden of the new AtmosFX world headquarters (a sinister-looking Victorian with a troubled past). The mood was sanguinary as last year's weathered jarping veterans sized up the brash newcomers. It was only Hoppy, the star of Hoppy Easter, who kept these titans from clashing immediately.
The 14 were paired off and —using the time honored tradition of "Rock, Scissors, Paper" — determined who would hold and who would strike. In the moments before each blow, you could have heard a somewhat sizable safety pin drop onto a tile floor. Each pair of duelists, standing corps-a-corps, locked eyes. A pause. A breath. A heartbeat. Then the strike! And, always, always the gut-wrenching crack. Then all eyes dropped and the shells of the weapons scrutinized.
After the shattered fragments settled, three combatants ascended the victory podium: Lorissa Holland (Production Manager), Thomas Magers (Finance Manager) and Jen Page (Community Manager). Page seized the bronze in an 11th hour, tie-breaking rock-scissors-paper match between herself and Quentin Little (Sr. UX Designer). Suspicions swirled regarding Page's role as event organizer and her eventual award. Were there back room dealings? Were bags of candy corn exchanged for preferential treatment? Did she have inside information about "rock" or collusion with "scissors?" Who knows? As they say, history is written by the winners.
To the champions goes the sweet nectar of victory, while the defeated must sip instead upon naught but the sour vinegar of loss. As for you, dear reader, stay tuned to this blog for all upcoming AtmosFX events, product releases, and tips on making any occasion into a celebration.
