Here at AtmosFX, we're strongly committed to staying on the cutting edge of celebratory trends and developments. Today, we gathered our highly-untrained connoisseurs to critique some of the newest flavors of Oreo that are shaking up the tastebuds of partygoers around the nation.
The three flavors: Piña Colada, Cherry Cola, and Kettle Corn were chosen after a crowdsourcing campaign to Oreo fans.
"The brand narrowed down the vast submission list using judging criteria that included taste appeal, creativity, and originality, and conducted rigorous taste-tests before selecting the three finalist submissions," Oreo maker Mondelez International said in a statement.
Our panel included staff from every department: Leti, our Office Manager; Larisa, Production Manager; Jen, Community Manager; Colleen, Production Artist; Quentin, Sr. UX Designer; Chyi, Developer; David, Developer; Daniel, CS Manager; and Kevin, Operations Manager. This writer, being on a diet, declined to taste but instead chose to focus on the aromatic bouquets.
Mike, our Sr. Marketing Manager boldly stacked all three options together. We'll describe his reaction near the bottom of this article.
Cherry Cola — Pairs Well With Disaster
Despite its fragrant Dr. Pepper and fruity lip gloss aromas, Cherry Cola's gritty mouth-feel left tension on the palate, probably due to the inclusion of Pop-Rocks in the filling. Though the flavors are lush, and the aftertaste had hints of Red Hots, the overall commentary rated this flavor the lowest and included thoughts such as: "Interesting," "I think my life is in danger," and, "Why is the filling crunchy?" An apt summary came from Quentin who thoughtfully mused, "It is as though I'm tasting cola Gummie Bears found in a bunker 15 years after an apocalypse."
Kettle Corn — Calorically Robust With A Whiff of Play-Doh
Light butter, caramel, and "sweet" eventually become tolerable once the palate is calibrated, which takes a few bites. The cookie delivers a solid crunch. However, the thick filling, framed by a grippy mouthfeel provides a surprising variety of tertiary sensations (including the nostalgia of scented markers and Play-Doh). At 75 calories each, this varietal is also hearty with a "stick-to-the-ribs" assurance. The acidity of strong espresso pairs well with Kettle Corn and may prevent internal re-solidification. (This statement has not been evaluated by the FDA, FCC, or anyone, really).
Piña Colada — Edible, Apologetically Thin
The Piña Colada was top-ranked in our staff vote but not since the cilantro controversy of 2015 has a flavor been this intensely debated. We lavish the winner with faint praise. Saucy edibility is tangy and complex. In the bite, this cookie was almost apologetically thin, making it crisper and more tolerable than is thicker cousins. Vague coconut notes and acidic citrus spotlight the high fructose corn syrup while the finish lasts long past the chew.
Counter Indicated — Stacking
Some foodies may want the "extreme" experience of combining in all three flavors of cookies together in the controversial practice of "stacking." Our Sr. Marketing Manager, Mike, initially said this approach was "definitely the way to go!" and gave two thumbs up.
However, moments later, he described, "an odd chemical aftertaste and the lingering, back-of-the-throat sensation of, "verpping."
Have you tried any of them? Comment below and tell us if you agree with our taste-testers or if you think they missed the O in Oreo.
You may also vote on the final three in the official, Orea contest until June 30 by visiting www.myoreocreation.com or texting VOTE to 59526. You're allowed to vote once every day. (AtmosFX is not affiliated with this contest in any way).